When in love, you’re in a beautiful daze and while this is enjoyable, it can also be dangerous. As the saying goes, you can’t see red flags through rose-colored glasses. This can make it very easy for us to ignore the toxic signs in our relationships. While it is difficult for us to accept the fact that the love of our life can possess awful and often dangerous qualities, it’s important to read the signs. So what are some of the behaviors you shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship? Dive into this list and find out:
1. Emotional Or Verbal Abuse
“But he didn’t raise his hand on me. Does it still count as abuse?”- Yes, it does count. If the love you and your partner share is genuine, they would not devalue you or your emotions. An emotionally abusive partner will pass manipulative comments on you, display controlling behavior, and gaslight you. This would increase self-doubt and slowly erode away at your self-esteem.
There are certain behaviors you should keep an eye out for. If your partner humiliates you in front of family, friends, or co-workers, demands you take their permission before going anywhere do not tolerate it. Also, if he/she insults and calls you cruel names, takes out their anger on you, or threatens you to maintain control over you it’s time that you have a good talk with them or call it quits.
The long-term impacts of emotional abuse can be pretty harsh. These include depression, anxiety, withdrawal from loved ones, giving up on long-term goals, and even illness. It’s literally your mind and body using its defense mechanism to tell you to get away from this person.
2. Physical Abuse
A physically abusive relationship can be challenging to walk away from. It can take a lot to gather up the strength, courage, and ability to leave. Sometimes there are financial or other factors (like sharing children) that make it difficult for a person to leave. However, when the time is right, you can tell your children the real reason why you had to walk away from the relationship. They will understand.
When you finally decide to leave the relationship, there are a few precautions and steps you must take to make your transition easier and safer. These would include gathering any evidence of abuse, keeping at least two escape routes ready, carrying cash, gathering medical supplies, legal documents, and a change of clothes, keeping a predetermined safe house.
3. Body Shaming
If your partner shames you for the way you look or how much you weigh, you need to walk away. Not only is this behavior cruel, manipulative, and immature, but it’s a sickening way of establishing dominance. Your partner should have known what to expect when they got into a relationship with you. However, there is a difference between body-shaming and genuinely showing concern for your health. If you suffer from health-related problems due to obesity, for example, it’s okay for your partner to bring it up and want you to lose weight. That isn’t body shaming. However, if your partner keeps passing snide comments about your weight or points it out in front of loved ones, it is.
4. Not Respecting Your Career
It’s practically impossible to have a healthy relationship with a person who doesn’t want to see you succeed. It’s alright for your partner to provide you with constructive criticism or express frustration if your career is taking up too much of your time. But if your partner constantly brings up how their career is more important than yours or interferes and disturbs you when you’re working, it’s not okay. You’d either need to confront the issue or walk away from the relationship. You can’t risk losing a satisfying job or career over a relationship.
Gaslighting is a term coined to describe when someone tries to convince you that you’re wrong or crazy when they know you’re not. This trait is especially common in people who are controlling in nature, and it lets your partner isolate you from reality. If you try to address their problematic behavior, they accuse you of being malicious and distrustful towards them. Passing statements like ‘It was just a joke’ or ‘Lighten up’ or even ‘You’re making all of this up.’ It’s often difficult to leave a gaslighter as they create an immense level of self-doubt in their victims.
6. Not Respecting Your Boundaries
Does your partner force you to party with them and their friends despite knowing you are introverted? Does your partner crack offensive or sexist jokes and often at your expense? Does your partner share details about the physical aspect of your relationship with their friends? If the answer is yes, let your partner know that they are overstepping your boundaries and that you will not tolerate it.
If your partner shames you for the way you dress or how many partners you’ve had before them, you need to draw the line. Whether you decide to show too much or too little skin is your choice, and they shouldn’t feel the need to opine. If your partner is insecure about the number of people you have been with before them, it has to do with their own self-doubt. You could try to let them know that their behavior hurts your feelings and that you’re with them and not any of your ex-partners for a reason. However, if they pay no heed to your feelings and continue displaying immature behavior, it’s best to walk away.
While it can be difficult to spot the signs, a toxic relationship can have a long-lasting impact on your relationship with yourself and those around you. If your friends or family notice certain changes in your behavior and point them out, it’s important to consider their opinions as well. In the end, your loved ones want what’s best for you and would hate to see you getting hurt or worse. What do you think of our list? Do you have any more red flags or deal breakers you would want to add? Let us know in the comments below.
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